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Time:11:00 am
Cucurbita pepo - ritual pericarp mutilation - North America
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Time:08:34 pm
So. Cedar of Lebanon, Cedrus libani. In light of current events, it may no longer be acceptable to continue calling it this.

I'm sure you remember the bid to change "french fries" to "freedom fries" after France refused to support the war in Iraq; I think this same reasoning applies to the Cedar of Lebanon. I suggest "Canaan Cedar" as the new name. What do you think?
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Time:02:34 am
In studying Darren Hayes on the cover of Affirmation, I've concluded that he may well be the single most physically perfect being on the face of the earth.

I want some of that beauty, Darren. What's the secret?
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Time:02:05 am
I was just meandering along, when I came upon this website called The Truth About Splenda. It seems they want to convince the public that Splenda is deadly. This fine print at the bottom of the page reveals their motive:

This website is part of an effort to educate consumers about the chemical artificial sweetener Splenda and is provided by The Sugar Association, which represents sugar beet and sugar cane farmers across America.

I smell bias! Nonetheless, there was a bit of text on the main page that caught my eye:

Splenda is an artificial sweetener made from a chemical compound that includes chlorine. Splenda is not natural.

My God, I just realized something. There's another food product that also includes chlorine, but it is much more common than Splenda!

"This substance is found on dinnertables worldwide, and is abundant in the bodies of all human beings. Made by combining the unstable metal sodium with the noxious gas chlorine, this products' lethality is undeniable, and something must be done before it's too late."

- from The Truth About Sodium Chloride, provided by the Association of Salt Substitute Manufacturers.
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Time:04:17 pm
I propose we erect a wall around Texas, to keep the inhabitants out of the United States. The place is like one giant psych ward, though perhaps not as bad as Utah. We need a wall around them, too. Apologies to conscientous people who live in these countries. You get a special pass.

Proponents of creationism/intelligent design need to be locked in a dumpster with a generous helping of rotting garbage. Jesus H. Christ, who knew medievalism was in style again? I even hear there are "ID clubs" for biology students appearing at several universities; anything to spread the gospel of ignorance, I guess. God endowed us with great ability to learn and comprehend our universe, though the use of these talents is apparently a no-no in contemporary religious thinking. The dumber, the better!

I make no apologies.
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Current Music:Vier Personen-Laibach
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Time:10:57 pm
Did you hear about Suri, the new baby daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? Apparently her name means "princess" in Hebrew, "red rose" in Persian, and "pickpocket" in Japanese.
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Time:09:05 pm
A recent dialogue:

Mom: Since the winter's been so warm, this summer's probably going to be really buggy.

James: Yeah.

Mom: I'm especially worried about spiders coming out.

James: I already saw one of those.

Mom: What!? Where!?

James: In the basement. It was a male.

Mom: How big was it?

James: * shows size with hands *

Mom: Did you get rid of it?

James: No.

Mom: Why not!? You should've!

James: But he lookin' for da female!

Mom: I don't care, can't he look for the female outside?
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Time:01:38 am
There's this thing I like to say sometimes:

"I don't like women."

I let this sink in just long enough for the listener to think I'm some kind of misogynist, then I say:

"I don't like men, either."
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Time:09:55 am
I'm off to hunt the wild grape. Don't wait up.
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Time:05:32 am
You know that acronym, WWJD (What Would Jesus Do)? Well, I saw a different version of it the other day: WTFWJD.
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